The Truth and Other Lies

Saintly

Am I?

Couldn’t be

Riding on the back

Of self sympathy

Deadly

Are you?

Shouldn’t be

Floating on the air waves

Of devils of me

Reverse Psychology

I hate the empty pit

the shackles

and the dancers

I hate the dust

the misery

the smiles

and the laughter

I hate it when you’re

above me

and I’m always looking up

I hate the pointless details

the fighting

when I’m stuck

You’re a demon I hold onto

when I say my heart is on the mend

But nothing stops its bleeding

and its a message that I send

to my closest friend

She holds the melting candle

but I still feel the burn

Nothing stops me from drowning

when I’ve decided which way to turn

and it’s always my turn

I question my own intentions

but am def to what I see

and I continue to question

the mark you’ve left on me

Is it an omen?

A drug?

Or a gift?

I crawled into a tunnel

where I sat, gazing upon it

Carry me to the brightest end

and I’ll always point toward the other

But lead me to darkness and I’ll fight

for my ceasing lover

This House

This house

It’s only a fragment of home

Whenever you’re gone

It’s quiet

Not even a whisper of another human life

Not within these walls

My reflection sends drops of illness

Into the place in my heart where I need you

Where I need you to be always

That’s the place where you make this house

A home

It creeks when you’re not here

It cries for your presence too

The wooden floors feel harder

The darkness is darker

And no number of lights can shut it out

Even the warmth of fire

Is cold to me here

Alone

It’s all cold

It’s all numb

And it all holds secrets

Secrets I try to escape from

I bury my head in pillows

I get cozy beneath sheets

I surround myself with comforting objects

But they cannot fill that place in my heart where I need you

Where I need you to be always

That’s the place where you make this house

A home

The First Goodbye

I see it now

The first goodbye

Our first kiss

Our first time

Falling in love

There’s no end to the fall

Only sweet whispers of Spring

Carrying flowers down the hall

I’m holding onto you

And I’m trying to let go

It’s a physical battle

An emotional growth

Or downfall

Depending how you see

The future

Unraveling for me

And for you

So don’t you hold your breath

Breathe it in as I let go

And maybe you’ll get caught within the depths

Of all your dreams becoming known

Although I’m staring fear down my own neck

I’m so happy for you, you see

Recalling the candlelight on your face

Is enough happy in mind for me

You’re the love of my life, my darling

Forever, you’ll truly be

My first and only always

My sweetest memory

I’ll love your kisses

I’ll love your smile

First thing in the morning

Looking into the eyes of my better half

Feeling so adoring

I’ll miss the way you took my pain

And forgave it for all my flaws

I’ll miss the way you say it’s okay

Even though it’s not

I’ll love you forever, babey

Remember that before you sleep

This is all I’ll ever know

Don’t you go forgetting me

My boyfriend and I…I love you Nathan <3

Photo taken by Kristy DeFehr

Photo edited at Picmonkey.com

Mind You’re Dead

I’m a lover of life

But I hate my existence

One minute I’m here

Then I’m gone in an instant

I fell from a star

Straight into a grave

To some unheavenly horror

I am a slave

Bound by familiar shackles

I greet terror again

Crouching like an animal

Hiding my head

I claw the walls

I break the floor

You sent me here

And I thought I was adored

I would laugh at stupidity

If my eyes weren’t sealed shut

I’d scream at you

If I thought it’d be enough

But I can’t hear the whispers

Because I’m still hiding my head

And I can’t hear the thunder

Because I’m playing dead

For All Of My Days

Slipping between my fingers

Pretty silver lights

Dancing on a wooden dock

Laughing with the night

The water glides like liquid glass

Rolling across each stone

The moon shines light into my very core

The breeze is my hand to hold

I think of a perfect smile

Playing across your lips

You have no idea of my longing

Longing for your kiss

In my mind I feel your body’s warmth

Wrapped up all around me

The tips of your fingers graze my skin

As the pretty lights surround me

Nested in a cherry blossom

A hummingbird begins to sing

And into the night that little bird

She spreads her delicate wings

Daylight breaks, the sun shines through

Between the cracks of that old dock

I see where green grass grew

And then I’m running through fields of flowers

And you’re watching me as I play

I run into your arms

And you’re laughing as you say

“I’m gunna love you for all my days”

I kiss your lips through a smile

The wind plays through my hair

Baby you know that in my heart

I’m always gunna be there

And today, kneeling beside a grave

I say, “I’m gunna love you for all my days”

You Know Who You Are

Your touch gets me through the night

Your smile gets me through the day

Kisses; weak in the knees

Eyes; blow my mind away

Can’t stop feeling

Waves in my body

Washing the doubt away

I know every day’s gunna be okay

When it starts with you

When it ends with you

Picture in my mind

See you standing there

See the smile on your face

The way the wind ruffles your hair

And it’s, ‘everything’s alright

Baby, that’s okay’

I just wanted you to know

A few things I have to say

You know who you are

You’re my sun, you’re my star

You wake up every morning with your headphones on

I love how you walk and I love how you dress

You make every day feel different from the rest

And when I come home and you’re sitting on the couch

With your takeout and your favorite TV show’s on

Just the way you say ‘hey’, you know it makes my day

And you’re all of my everything

Baby, please

You know the rest

You know our love has been put to the test

But I meant it when I said, ‘I do’

I’d do anything for you

Because I know you meant it too

And yeah, sometimes you drive me crazy

But when the fighting’s over

I love you that much more

And it couldn’t be much clearer

I wanna spend the rest of my life with you

I really do

You know who you are

You’re my sun, you’re my star

You wake up every morning with your headphones on

I love how you walk and I love how you dress

You make every day feel different from the rest

And when I come home and you’re sitting on the couch

With your takeout and your favorite TV show’s on

Just the way you say ‘hey’, you know it makes my day

And you’re all of my everything

We were once so young

Living brave

I met you on that sweet spring day

You said, ‘hey baby’

I rolled my eyes

I coulda sworn you were just another boy passing by.

Beautifully Insane

What’s new

Feeling used

Lay me out to dry

Pick me up

Dust me off

Nothing worse

An imperfect curse

Bring me so up high

Let me fall

Know it all

All the way to the floor

I knew it once

I asked for more

You kissed me

But what for?

To compare to a picture

Picture perfect wings

To know it all

I asked to fall

And now I can hardly sing

I don’t wish to be a picture

Picture perfect girl

But what is with the picture

Hanging forever still?

You saw I cried

Wished to die

Inside I wished to live

To be enough

Not that tough

I only want to sing

Sing like I used to

Sing like I knew to

Fell for what I believed

To be a beginning

To love never ending

Sweet reality

Now burned into my eyes

A devil in disguise

Faith blinding

Anger binding

All the strings

Now unwinding

I wished to be enough

Really not that tough

Oh, sweet reality

Gotta let me breathe

I scream to die

Burned into my eyes

Wings set aflame

Beautifully insane 

Down From Above

Swallowing hate

Disguising disgust

Doing my best

Not to mistrust

You tore me open

Revealed old wounds

And now you stand there and ask me

How I’ve come so unglued

I keep my gut in a locker

My mind between teeth

Anxiously awaiting

The devil’s unsheathe

Carry me, carry me

Feel my heart beat

Now leave me to die

Rather, leave me to sleep

Muddy Waters

Another mirror broken

A heart-shaped token

Another tear left to shed

And no one there

To prevent that tear

Becoming a stain on a white fabric bed

So I cried a broken symphony

One heard

But didn’t react

Still, I hoped that the one who loved me

Would perform a simple act

To see those tears that’d fallen

So I could cry no more

But still these tears are falling

And really

What for?

Shall I ride a black steed

And let it take me down?

Or shall I wait in muddy waters

And hope it clears away this frown?

Another mirror broken

Scattered pieces on review

I broke my heart-shaped token

And the pieces found someone new