Love and Lies

I actually wrote this as a song but I can’t really sing or play any instruments too well…so naturally it’s a poem now.

Love and Lies

-KD DeFehr

Well I

I cried

About eighteen hundred times

And you

Fell through

About once in your life

To the blackest part of you

I sacrificed

A heart full of love and lies

Well I

Went down

About fourteen miles from hell

And you

Went to

The very bottom of that bottle

Not thinking about tomorrow

And all the talk of dreams you sentimentalized

Brought me to my demise

Now I’m feeling all shook up

And overused

Cuz the best part of me

I thought was you

Hanging in the gap

Is our night in the city

When I dressed to impress

And you said I was pretty

Now I

I die

About eighteen thousand times

And scattered on the edge

Of memories I’ve paralysed

I can still see your eyes

The Six Stages of Grief

I put my letters in a basket

High on a shelf

I sent your head and a fork

Along with the delph

I tied peonies and lilies

Along the backyard fence

I dug a hole for three hours

Dumped a bucket of salt water in

Thence I lay on the lawn

And I watched it sink down

Took an hour for lunch

Returned to the mound

And I filled it all in

And then I stood in the sun

There I planted a honeylocust

And watched as it begun

sitat nummer sju

The problem with picking up broken pieces is that sometimes they make you bleed.

sitat nummer seks

Things tend to lean before they fall.

- KD DeFehr

Chasing the Dragon

I lay where we lay

I sit where we sat

I wrap my arms around myself

And squeeze

Try to remember

Try to forget

And I scream

Throw myself like I can’t feel

Pain

Into the wall and it

Hurts

But not like this

Not like you

You’re the only thing I do feel

When I don’t feel nothing at all

Cuz it’s all a waste

Like the explanations

There are none and yet

I’ve been chasing a

Dragon

That shares your name

Because there’s no time

Like the first time

And I was never really sane

Chill

We maintain the shell

With water

Food

And oxygen

From it we borrow

Vocal chords

Sight

Smell

Muscle and

Movement

Expressions

Tears

A place to put our

Thoughts

But where do we go?

What is the “me” in this body?

If I’m just cells

And a cluster of brain waves

The drug, hormones

Receptors

Whatever

Following some

Order

Making me who I am

Then why am I so

Detached

All the time?

My soul is in there

I feel it hiding

Often in the general location

Of my left kidney

Something untouched

Not object

Nor matter

Energy

It just sort of

Chills

And I wonder if your

Soul

Is still here

Finally free from the

Shell

You discarded

I’ll still miss your

Movements

And expressions

Breathe

For all my anger

For all my pain

I’m here

There’s something alive in this chest

In this body I’ve borrowed

Inhaling

Exhaling

Beating

And that’s all I really have to do in life

Breathe

The Human Condition

Sitting on the edge

Of fuck all

And I’ve never felt so

Free

I just wish the bodies would

Stop

Moving

And I wish you would pay

For all you did to me

You’ve never breathed

Consequence

You just glide through

The pain

You left me there

Coughing

On my tears and my hate

No matter, no matter

It’s all fun and games

Until the day you

Stop moving

And you’ve burned everything

Like your lips against mine

And your hand on my face

Like my arms around your neck

Like the way you taste

Like the shadows

Of coffins

And Roses

And blood

Like the days we spent

Laughing

Out in the sun

A betrayal

And you don’t feel it at all

Cuz there’s nothing in your

Veins

But the drugs

The alcohol

Metaphorically speaking

It’ll be you that I kill

Oh, wait, I forgot

To hide the damned thrill

Nevermind

Can’t quit smiling now

Because I’m free from your

Fire, your

Ashes, your

Crown

It’s your

Ego

Sets my gut in the rain

I’d go get it but I feel

That it’s hiding your name

What a disaster

Imagine if they could see

The coward you are

And will always be

My bad

I’m supposed to keep my mouth

Shut

You’d like that, wouldn’t you?

Just like your slut

Bitter

Is how I’m sounding now

No worries

I’m hanging

In my own black cloud

Comfy

Here all alone

Better than the lie

You have to own

Sick Again

The whole world lit you up

Like the angel you are

Like the tears on my cheeks

As I look up at the stars

And remember your hands

Moving across piano keys

But it was never the song

That was capturing me

I’m not alone

When I think back to those days

I still feel it all

Like the warmth of your embrace

And the memory

Keeps me from getting cold

It’s not real but it’s the only

Love that I hold

Just Another Soul

Often I feel I’ve said too much

Can’t keep a hold

On my writhing gut

And I never settle for enough is enough

I know I’m tough

But my thoughts get rough

When I’m stretching all the invisible strings

Peering through nothing at the everything

And I find I say I’m sorry a million times

But they grow weary of my anxious rhymes

And there I go again, feeding the seed

Hell, I can’t blame them

Even I can’t stand me

I pray it wasn’t so

I wish I could be

Someone who didn’t require lies

To find a side of happy

I’d like to say I’m content being my only friend

And often I am

Until the fog rolls in

Here, I strain to open my eyes

I swear I try

But it feels like my mind has been vandalized

By something so beyond what I see

The darkness comes from a place

No one can help me

So what choice for them do I leave?

I’m just another soul

That never learned how to breathe