The Human Condition

Sitting on the edge

Of fuck all

And I’ve never felt so

Free

I just wish the bodies would

Stop

Moving

And I wish you would pay

For all you did to me

You’ve never breathed

Consequence

You just glide through

The pain

You left me there

Coughing

On my tears and my hate

No matter, no matter

It’s all fun and games

Until the day you

Stop moving

And you’ve burned everything

Like your lips against mine

And your hand on my face

Like my arms around your neck

Like the way you taste

Like the shadows

Of coffins

And Roses

And blood

Like the days we spent

Laughing

Out in the sun

A betrayal

And you don’t feel it at all

Cuz there’s nothing in your

Veins

But the drugs

The alcohol

Metaphorically speaking

It’ll be you that I kill

Oh, wait, I forgot

To hide the damned thrill

Nevermind

Can’t quit smiling now

Because I’m free from your

Fire, your

Ashes, your

Crown

It’s your

Ego

Sets my gut in the rain

I’d go get it but I feel

That it’s hiding your name

What a disaster

Imagine if they could see

The coward you are

And will always be

My bad

I’m supposed to keep my mouth

Shut

You’d like that, wouldn’t you?

Just like your slut

Bitter

Is how I’m sounding now

No worries

I’m hanging

In my own black cloud

Comfy

Here all alone

Better than the lie

You have to own

The You I Knew

You were there

About ten years old and sitting on the deck

The first time that I saw you

A hood pulled over your head

I knew who you were

Because we talked online every day

And I got butterflies in my tummy

Every time someone said your name

Little did you know

I was trying to show off

But you kept your eyes locked on your book

And I wondered if it would be okay to talk

But I always chickened out

I thought you’d think me strange

Little did I know back then

How much we were the same

Years passed by

And for so long the best part of my day

Was seeing your name appear on the side of my screen

And waiting to see if you’d say hey

A couple times I wandered

Past the house I knew was yours

I daydreamed what it’d be like

If I had the nerve to come to your door

And with my friends I always whispered

I called you by your last name

We plotted ways I could possibly see you again

But that didn’t happen until 2008

The year high school came around

And on that first day

My friends all gathered to tell me

You were on the other side of the locker bay

It took all the courage I could muster

I remember my heart pounding in my ears

Those couple yards I walked to get close to you

Felt like they took years

And there you were

A nervous smile on your face

And you stuttered a bit as you spoke to me

And my heart began to race

Only a few short weeks later

You asked me to be your girl

I agreed and that’s when you really became

The center of my whole world

For four wonderful and terrifying months

You were always on my mind

I still have my old diaries

And you live on every page as I describe

How cool and cute and perfect I thought you were

How happy I am now that I wrote

All the things you once said and did

Word for word, I have your quotes

So I can always go back and visit

Memories of the you that I knew

Proof of your existence

That you breathed, felt and moved

It’s true we drifted apart

We were too young and too shy

But I kept a place for you in my heart

You were just that kind of guy

That left an impression on people

I know I’m far from being the only one

You touched with all your kindness

Your smile, your laughter and your fun

So thanks for the memories you’ve given me

I’m glad the ones I have are so clear

I just wish we hadn’t stopped speaking

For almost five long years

And I wish that even once I told you

How much your friendship meant to me

I always admired you more than I’d let on

I wish now you had seen

But I couldn’t be more thankful

That just a few short weeks ago

Your name again appeared on the side of my screen

And again, it was to me that you wrote

And in the words that you said

I saw how much you were like me

That you too had felt the darkness

That shut out hopes and dreams

I felt less alone that night

I wish you knew how much it meant

To know I wasn’t the only one

Who sometimes felt so spent

Twice after that we got together

Due to a mutual friend

I was excited to get to chill with you

To maybe get a chance to make amends

I remember those nights so clearly now

I see the fire reflecting off your skin

Your voice and expressions

The way you moved then

I wanted there to be more nights like that

Because I thought you were so cool

But just a few days ago

I got terrible news while at school

You’d decided to leave this world

In late February, 2013

But forever I’ll remember

The kind of person you’ve always been

And I keep a few things you gave me

A teddy bear, necklace and lighter

A little reminder of the days

That for me, you made brighter

What We Did

We silenced her

Tied her up with shackles

and stretched the worn substance of her mind

We held the blind fold tightly

over her sun burned eyes

And we lead her blindly

into darkness

It wasn’t the fallen rose peddles

nor the snuffing of the candle light

that lead us to do what we did

It was hatred

Pure and conniving, it clung to our soul

Like the frost on the window pane

we left her behind

Hidden, not for the world to see

but for our own sickened heart

to languish in

When the flies started to get to her

and the long tailed rodents crept upon a feast

we felt no sorrow

But fear

Fear of what we had done

Fear of what we could do

And over time, the sweetness of fruit

grew steadily more sour

And the freshness of water on our tongue

only made our mouth more dry

And then the flies started to get to us

And the long tailed rodents

were creeping

out from the shadows

out from the depths

of that frosted window pane

Eyes gleaming

and we knew then

What would become of our soul

Xoxo

Roses into roads

Ashes and lead

I missed you for a long time

But now I’m dead

The Compromise

Hey there So my boyfriend, Nathan Stewart (Killateral) and I wrote a poem together. He calls it a killaboration, hahaha. So anyways, we did a video of it together, you can check that out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkVp1-wDCu8&feature=youtu.be

Check out the rest of his channel if you like dubstep or any of that electronic type music stuff. He’s amazing. The link to his channel is also in the side bar of this site listed under Blogroll as Killateral.

So I’m just gunna post the poem here as well. Everything written in green is the parts that Nathan wrote and everything in black is the parts that I wrote. And again, I just wanna thank all my followers and viewers SO MUCH for all the support I’ve been getting Kay, see ya guys.

The Compromise 

Breathless

Like water on ice, we’re moving

Forget the sacrifice

Because we’re better

We’re better than their cheap tests

And we’re living

Putting blood infused words to rest

sunset to sunrise

will be my demise

from lies to cries

silent suicidal sighs

besides,

I truly despise people’s tries

to advise and compromise

I’m seeing

And if seeing is believing then what are we conceiving?

Like a shadow

Fused to the wall

Get ready to fall

Drop it

Receive their calls

so put your words to rest

I feel so blessed

still it seems so stressed

I’m only alive wearing this life vest

with thoughts to molest

of some fucked up conquest

and after you have confessed

lest we remember

the ember after protests

Whether we win or lose

With the blue drugs

And the booze

It’s more got to do

With the remainder

The remainder of our last favour

hide behind my gaze

and hear one single praise

the soul never strays

yet never really stays

with memories of early days

Days that rained

And what did we do?

We followed you

Without a clue

Of which direction

Which direction we were going

Is it snowing?

Or it that just the sound

Of their insulated background?

It’s all just behind

and from some other kind

but wait,

I need to rewind

the metaphoric tape

to escape the future

outlined by fate

and so back to the grind

no suture, no shape

what will we find

what adventures await

Honour and integrity

Shrouded by conspiracy

Lost in the normality

And everything that shouldn’t be

Freeze

Knock knock Nathan

with a blank inhuman stare

your weird, but who’s there

All the people

With their hypocrisies

And their “evolutionary” “democracies”

They say we’ve come so far from the past

But why do so few ask

If it was better then

With the clean air

And the would’ve been?

Now everyone’s smoking grass

To escape this overgrowing reality

and so “A’hoy matey”

said the pirate to his crew

a sad, sad connection

the only one he ever knew

he stares out at the big open blue

that same sea I see with you

on those quiet eery nights

my short weary sights

fixed on the perception

of stars shining so bright

hanging above our sea of blue

until we find whats really true

Talk of a new planet

Could it really be that different?

Or will we slowly diminish

Every place that we inhibit?

All seems so helpless

But I look into your eyes

One beautiful truth

Amongst so many lies

And I find some strength inside

Who feels imprisoned

can’t tell heaven from hell

they wish they had listened

but it’s just as well

finally escaped and then fell

what was left? Just a shell

Of emptiness

Residing in you?

Tranquilize the misery

Forbade by their feuds 

This House

This house

It’s only a fragment of home

Whenever you’re gone

It’s quiet

Not even a whisper of another human life

Not within these walls

My reflection sends drops of illness

Into the place in my heart where I need you

Where I need you to be always

That’s the place where you make this house

A home

It creeks when you’re not here

It cries for your presence too

The wooden floors feel harder

The darkness is darker

And no number of lights can shut it out

Even the warmth of fire

Is cold to me here

Alone

It’s all cold

It’s all numb

And it all holds secrets

Secrets I try to escape from

I bury my head in pillows

I get cozy beneath sheets

I surround myself with comforting objects

But they cannot fill that place in my heart where I need you

Where I need you to be always

That’s the place where you make this house

A home

Before Me

Awake river

When fire is lost

Rise in the night

Upon the dark

Your wonderful whisper

Your curtain of breath

Yours after warmth

A numb wonder

A horror

A friend

Shake this darkness

Rain blossoms on mine

Falling innocence

Under some eye

That and angels

Together arise

Honest after life

Trusting beauty

Quiet ice

Fools of Us

When you feel it

Do you know it?

Do you tackle it to your knees?

Do you question it?

Do you crawl to it?

Do you await it patiently?

How is it that the quietest whisper

Drowns deep within your bones?

How do you feel about that whisper

When it has got you in a choke hold?

Can you hear the crumbling

That is the breaking of your soul?

Can you hear the laughter?

Time shows you’re getting old

I know you know it’s mocking you

Hiding within your weathered skin

I know you know it’s hunting you

Stop

Listen to the church bells ring

Stranger’s Smile

Caught a stranger’s smile

Slipping through the breeze 

Warmth crept along my toes

And filled every part of me

I took a little of that feeling

And I sent the rest away

So another would surely feel 

A little happiness that day

I couldn’t help but notice 

As I continued on my journey

A lighter skip in my step

And just a few less worries

As I passed an old park bench

I saw an old man sitting there

He had a grave expression

And dark, greying hair

I asked him how he was doing

He told me of his day

He told me of the smile he’d given

And how he hoped it’d found its way

I told him of the warmth in my heart

I told him not to worry

He shook his head sadly

He pointed to the sky

“It was a gift for my sweetheart; my beautiful wife”

“But old man, don’t you see?

She’s slipping through the breeze

She caught your precious smile

And she’s as happy as can be”

Missing Me

Don’t you be missing me when I’m gone

Whenever I’m gone

Because you know that you were all this heart desired

And you were right there until the very end