Haunting Me

I remember that night

Sitting in the dark

Thinking, you could stop this pain

Just by not being where you are 

Knowing you were knowing

Just what you were doing to me

And knowing you weren’t stopping

Thinking, how sick this love must be

And she was nothing to you

But you were my whole world

Yet she was the one you’d choose that night

And while you explored the body of that girl

I was drowning in what it meant to be loving you

Praying the very thing happening wouldn’t be

Knowing all the while it was

Because I know how you loved that scene

And all I ever did for you and all my love

It meant nothing once you’d made your choice

Yet despite everything you’d done to me that night

I was still relieved to hear your voice

When you came begging for another chance

Crawling on your knees

I loved you so I set my heart on forgiveness

And that’s when you started haunting me

Fresh Hell

What fresh hell

spreading its infectious

tumors

into organs without

a name

What fresh hell

squeezing the holder

drilling into

sweetness

exposing all the

veins

This isn’t like the

other times

times of

understanding

and forgiveness

This is like the

knife

that carved out that

willingness

Now he’s hiding like

a child

hands over head

And his own children

are silently crying

surrendering to

their beds

the ones that

she

made

that now

they

have to lay in

The Catalyst

He sets fire

To my fields

My fields

Of flowers

Mine

For the giving

He made it

His

For the taking

And I fucking hate him for it

I’d wish he’d burn

If it would return life

To my flowers

But you can’t

Reverse

A chemical

Reaction

Not in any way

That matters

I Hope

I hope she has you falling in love

I hope she’s everything you need

I hope her kisses send you shivers of joy

I hope you feel you need her to breathe

I hope her hands are soft and warm

And she always knows just what to say

Every time you’re feeling sad and blue

I hope she takes that away

I hope your mother loves her

I hope she makes promises she remembers

I hope she makes you feel special

I hope she’s your constant forever

And I hope that you talk of marriage

Of family

Of a home

And I hope she swears she’d follow you anywhere

So you’ll never be alone

But most of all, I hope you trust her

I hope you can’t see a future without

And I hope the look in her eyes leaves you swooning

So you never have a doubt

Now, hunny, here’s the good part

I hope she then crushes you to the bone

I hope she leaves you with nothing

But the pain of being alone

Only then will you have the slightest idea

Of what you put me through

The day that you betrayed me

And the days that followed the end of me and you

When your time does come

I hope you hate yourself for shame

I hope you want nothing more than to hurt yourself

I hope you’re crying out my name

And I hope all the time you see her smiling

While she’s wrapped up with another man

And then someday, I hope you know you’re lucky

Just as I’ve realized I am