The You I Knew

You were there

About ten years old and sitting on the deck

The first time that I saw you

A hood pulled over your head

I knew who you were

Because we talked online every day

And I got butterflies in my tummy

Every time someone said your name

Little did you know

I was trying to show off

But you kept your eyes locked on your book

And I wondered if it would be okay to talk

But I always chickened out

I thought you’d think me strange

Little did I know back then

How much we were the same

Years passed by

And for so long the best part of my day

Was seeing your name appear on the side of my screen

And waiting to see if you’d say hey

A couple times I wandered

Past the house I knew was yours

I daydreamed what it’d be like

If I had the nerve to come to your door

And with my friends I always whispered

I called you by your last name

We plotted ways I could possibly see you again

But that didn’t happen until 2008

The year high school came around

And on that first day

My friends all gathered to tell me

You were on the other side of the locker bay

It took all the courage I could muster

I remember my heart pounding in my ears

Those couple yards I walked to get close to you

Felt like they took years

And there you were

A nervous smile on your face

And you stuttered a bit as you spoke to me

And my heart began to race

Only a few short weeks later

You asked me to be your girl

I agreed and that’s when you really became

The center of my whole world

For four wonderful and terrifying months

You were always on my mind

I still have my old diaries

And you live on every page as I describe

How cool and cute and perfect I thought you were

How happy I am now that I wrote

All the things you once said and did

Word for word, I have your quotes

So I can always go back and visit

Memories of the you that I knew

Proof of your existence

That you breathed, felt and moved

It’s true we drifted apart

We were too young and too shy

But I kept a place for you in my heart

You were just that kind of guy

That left an impression on people

I know I’m far from being the only one

You touched with all your kindness

Your smile, your laughter and your fun

So thanks for the memories you’ve given me

I’m glad the ones I have are so clear

I just wish we hadn’t stopped speaking

For almost five long years

And I wish that even once I told you

How much your friendship meant to me

I always admired you more than I’d let on

I wish now you had seen

But I couldn’t be more thankful

That just a few short weeks ago

Your name again appeared on the side of my screen

And again, it was to me that you wrote

And in the words that you said

I saw how much you were like me

That you too had felt the darkness

That shut out hopes and dreams

I felt less alone that night

I wish you knew how much it meant

To know I wasn’t the only one

Who sometimes felt so spent

Twice after that we got together

Due to a mutual friend

I was excited to get to chill with you

To maybe get a chance to make amends

I remember those nights so clearly now

I see the fire reflecting off your skin

Your voice and expressions

The way you moved then

I wanted there to be more nights like that

Because I thought you were so cool

But just a few days ago

I got terrible news while at school

You’d decided to leave this world

In late February, 2013

But forever I’ll remember

The kind of person you’ve always been

And I keep a few things you gave me

A teddy bear, necklace and lighter

A little reminder of the days

That for me, you made brighter

The Grandfather I Never Knew

To the grandfather I never knew

A merchant marine in World War Two

I watched my mother crying today

The photo in her hand showed your brave face

She told me how you loved the sea

And I thought about the part of you in me

She says you were a hero too

From 1916 to 1992

I pray for the day that we meet

To know the man in the photos I see

Handsome and strong

Clever and true

My grandmother must be happy

To share heaven with you

Nikolai Haugland

“The Lord leads me beside quiet waters and restores my soul.”

January 9th, 1916-February 18th, 1992

Beloved husband of Borghild and father to Nils, John, Anne, Linda and Nancy

You are truly loved and missed always <3

“God is our shelter and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble, so we will not be afraid.” 

Psalm 46

True Loves

Lightning storms and Baileys

Fires and Christmas trees

Bubble baths and candles

An early autumn breeze

Picket fences and log cabins

The smell of dad’s cologne

Mom’s chocolate pudding

The place that I call home

The first snowfall of the season

Walking in the rain

Dancing like an idiot

Loving without shame

Country music on the radio

Harry Potter in my favorite chair

My sister’s home made cookies

Our first dog Cole, big as a bear

Camping in the summer

Sledding in the snow

And when we used to go to plays

Not that we didn’t love our TV shows

Road trips were always the craziest

When we were Alberta bound

Like the time we lost the windshield

And the bronco totally broke down

I remember the first time I flew a kite

On the field out by my old school

Watching my fabric eagle soaring through the air

Holding tightly to that spool

And I remember when my big brother

Assembled my first bike

Pink streamers and training wheels

It was love at first site

And when my daddy built our play house

With nothing but his own two hands

The coolest and cutest play house ever

And to me he was twice the man

And the day that my cat Felix died

My sister sat with me in my room

And before boys started breaking my heart

Mom would read me Nancy Drew

And dad would stand there in the doorway

Every single night

He always blew a kiss to me

And I’d whisper I love you and goodnight

Hockey games and barbecues

Softball and ice cream

These things are the true loves of my life

And they’re never gunna leave me

Dad

Someday I’ll look toward the stars

and ask you how you are

I’ll tell you all about my day

no matter where you are

And then I’ll say, “I love you dad”

and send a kiss to you

Just like always

Just like when

you stand in the doorway of my room

Because I’ll always be your little girl

no matter where I go

And you’ll always be the best man in my life

It just happens to be so

So often do I think of you

when the Leafs are on T.V.

When I see the playhouse that you built

just for Kristy and me

I think of you when I hear Johnny Cash

and every time that there’s a storm

Because I remember the night I heard the thunder roll in

with my dad out on the porch

I like to think I have your smile

Because it’s the best I’ve ever seen

You told me to always keep a sense of humor in this world

So I always keep a piece of you with me

My dad and I

Photo taken by Kristy DeFehr

Photo edited at Picmonkey.com

My Miracle

You don’t see what I see

You don’t see the storm clouds rolling by

You don’t bare the wreath of judgment

Don’t feel, constantly, the acidity of their lies

But sometimes I also wonder

If you ever simply slow down

Feel the breeze wrap around your skin

Wonder what it’d be like to drown

I’ve painted castles in the sky

Soft, fluffy, untouchable

I’ve let the waves surround my ankles

Cold, hard, unbearable

I’d try to get you to understand

I’d try to open your eyes to see

The spirit of the Earth and beyond

Because I know how much He loves me

But I wouldn’t change your smile

And I wouldn’t change the way you laugh

Not for all the diamonds in the world

Would I ever change your past

Because I love the way you’ve been made to be

Like rose petals drifting upon the sea

A miracle

That’s what you are to me

The First Goodbye

I see it now

The first goodbye

Our first kiss

Our first time

Falling in love

There’s no end to the fall

Only sweet whispers of Spring

Carrying flowers down the hall

I’m holding onto you

And I’m trying to let go

It’s a physical battle

An emotional growth

Or downfall

Depending how you see

The future

Unraveling for me

And for you

So don’t you hold your breath

Breathe it in as I let go

And maybe you’ll get caught within the depths

Of all your dreams becoming known

Although I’m staring fear down my own neck

I’m so happy for you, you see

Recalling the candlelight on your face

Is enough happy in mind for me

You’re the love of my life, my darling

Forever, you’ll truly be

My first and only always

My sweetest memory

I’ll love your kisses

I’ll love your smile

First thing in the morning

Looking into the eyes of my better half

Feeling so adoring

I’ll miss the way you took my pain

And forgave it for all my flaws

I’ll miss the way you say it’s okay

Even though it’s not

I’ll love you forever, babey

Remember that before you sleep

This is all I’ll ever know

Don’t you go forgetting me

My boyfriend and I…I love you Nathan <3

Photo taken by Kristy DeFehr

Photo edited at Picmonkey.com

Last Night

Time breaks

The sun beams true

I opened the blinds

On all that’s me and you

I had a dream last night

You were there, in my arms

I kissed your forehead

Traced the subtle lines of your palm

Your eyes couldn’t be brighter

So beautiful and blue

A perfect reflection

Of the clear sky around you

My heartbeat thumped

In my ears, through to my chest

I smiled at the sound

As I smiled at you

Right then and there

Loving you was all I could do

And as the cherry blossom swayed

Raining its petals around us

I opened my arms

And let the wind surround us

I kissed you on the lips

One last look into your eyes

And that’s when I opened mine

Still smiling on the other side 

My boyfriend and I

Photo taken by Kristy DeFehr

Photo edited at Picnik.com

Kristy Lyn

People come and people go but sisters are forever

She’s a warm, safe place

When everywhere else feels cold

She’s a smile when it’s sunny

And a happy giggle when it snows

She’s laughing her very hardest

Even at my dumbest jokes

And she’s grumpy when I’m singing along

To lyrics I don’t really know

She was my favourite playmate when I was small

And is a shoulder to lean on as I grow older

She’s “anything is possible”

But just realistic enough to really know her

She’s hanging ornaments on the tree at Christmas

While I sit and watch T.V.

And she’s waiting for the perfect part of a movie

When she knows that she can scare me

She’s smores around the camp fire

And a picnic on a field

She’s cookies and ice cream

When that’s the way we feel

I trust her with everything

And she knows me outside in

She’s the keeper of a part of my heart

That she never had to win

She’s simply irreplaceable

She’s my sister, Kristy Lyn

Sister

Friendships will blossom like flowers

With petals of honest gold

And friend I don’t have to tell you

All ours has to hold

Our friendship started the day I was born

Growing steadier with every hour

It’s ripened like the sweetest of fruits

In the light that all the years have showered

Every day I hold this gift

Not like a box upon my hand

But I hold it deep within me

And it makes me a thousand times more grand

And a thousand times I’ll say again

How much you mean to me

You are more than just a hand to hold

You are all that a friend should be

So darling sister what I must tell you

Is that this will never fade

Because a piece of you is always with me

No matter what comes with the days

And no matter what comes with the nights

Because stars, I know they sparkle

But nothing shines quite so brightly

Nothing shines quite as brightly as you, sister

Stranger’s Smile

Caught a stranger’s smile

Slipping through the breeze 

Warmth crept along my toes

And filled every part of me

I took a little of that feeling

And I sent the rest away

So another would surely feel 

A little happiness that day

I couldn’t help but notice 

As I continued on my journey

A lighter skip in my step

And just a few less worries

As I passed an old park bench

I saw an old man sitting there

He had a grave expression

And dark, greying hair

I asked him how he was doing

He told me of his day

He told me of the smile he’d given

And how he hoped it’d found its way

I told him of the warmth in my heart

I told him not to worry

He shook his head sadly

He pointed to the sky

“It was a gift for my sweetheart; my beautiful wife”

“But old man, don’t you see?

She’s slipping through the breeze

She caught your precious smile

And she’s as happy as can be”